Our school’s counselling approach is built on the belief that emotional safety, mutual respect, and genuine connection are the foundation for every child’s growth and learning. That is why Nonviolent Communication (NVC) lies at the very core of what we do. By teaching students to recognise their own feelings and needs, and to understand those of others, we create a community where empathy replaces judgment, conflicts are resolved respectfully, and relationships are strengthened. Nonviolent Communication equips both children and adults with the skills to build trust, handle challenges constructively, and contribute to a positive, caring school environment.
A big part of counselling students is active listening, really tuning in to what someone else is feeling and needing. When we listen with full attention and deep respect, we help others feel safe to share honestly. It’s amazing how much connection can grow simply by listening with an open heart.
Why do we encourage our learners to use this communication approach in their daily interactions?
Have you ever wished conversations with others, whether with your kids, friends, or colleagues, felt easier, kinder, and more understanding? That’s exactly what Nonviolent Communication is all about. Developed by psychologist Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication is a way of communicating that helps us truly connect with each other.
Nonviolent Communication reminds us that behind every word and action is a person with feelings and needs just like our own. By practicing Nonviolent Communication in our daily lives, we not only improve how we relate to others, we help shape a more compassionate and peaceful world where everyone can feel seen, heard, and valued.
At its heart, Nonviolent Communication isn’t just about the words we use, it’s about how we connect with others and even with ourselves. It’s a reminder that no matter who we are or where we come from, we all share the same basic human needs, things like feeling safe, understood, loved, and respected. Instead of quickly judging someone as “difficult” or “wrong,” Nonviolent Communication invites us to pause and ask: What is the real need this person is trying to express? This means practicing no judgment in our conversations, creating space for honesty without blame. When we start seeing people through this lens, it changes everything.
One of my favorite ideas from Dr. Rosenberg is this: “What others say and do may be the stimulus, but never the cause, of our feelings.” That means our feelings are always tied to our own needs, not just what someone else says or does. Understanding this helps us take responsibility for our emotions and opens the door to more compassionate conversations.
Nonviolent Communication breaks down communication into four simple steps that anyone can use:
- Observation: Notice what’s happening without adding judgment or blame. For example, instead of saying “You’re always late,” try saying, “You arrived 10 minutes after our meeting time.”
- Feelings: Share how you feel about what you observed. Maybe you’re frustrated, sad, or worried.
- Needs: Think about the deeper needs behind those feelings. Are you needing respect, clarity, or connection?
- Requests: Ask for something specific that can help meet those needs, like “Would you please let me know if you’re running late next time?”
These four simple steps help shift conversations from blame and frustration to understanding and cooperation. It’s like turning down the volume on conflict and turning up the connection instead.
Nonviolent Communication and social-emotional learning
Starting Nonviolent Communication early in childhood is especially powerful. When kids learn to name their feelings and understand their needs, they build confidence in expressing themselves without yelling or shutting down. It helps them get along better with others and manage their emotions, which is so important as they grow up. As Rosenberg said, “Children need far more than basic skills in reading, writing, and math. They need to learn how to communicate from the heart.” And I couldn’t agree more.
Imagine a world where more of us practiced Nonviolent Communication, where we listen deeply, speak kindly, and understand that behind every behavior is a person trying to meet their needs.
Remember, Nonviolent Communication isn’t just a set of rules; it’s a way of thinking. It’s about choosing empathy over judgment, connection over division, and kindness over blame. As Rosenberg said so beautifully, “We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.” But when we are conscious and choose compassion, we can change our relationships and our communities for the better.
So next time you find yourself frustrated or upset, try pausing and asking yourself: What do I really need right now? And what might the other person need? It’s a simple question that can open the door to understanding, healing, and peace.
At the end of the day, Nonviolent Communication reminds us that we’re all human, complicated, but deeply deserving of being heard and understood. And when we practice this kind of gentle, honest communication, free from judgment, full of active listening and deep respect, we help create a world where everyone feels seen, respected, and cared for.
